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HOUSTON, TX- For the 9th year in a row the Houston office of TVMan, Inc. reigned supreme in the annual company wide blood drive besting the New York office by a single pint with only thirty seconds left on the clock.

Each year the World Headquarters of TVMan, Inc. sponsors the blood drive competition between the company’s three offices, Houston, New York and Paris.

“Its for a great cause and the employees really like the competition, ” said Armand Mathiew, team captain for the Paris office.

Employees say this year was by far the closest and most exciting of all the blood drives in the company’s history.

“We were all huddled around Facebook watching the other branches post their totals,” said Sheila Williams, captain of the TVMan, Inc. Houston team.

“With about an hour to go we saw that the Paris office was way behind and out of it, but we were in second place behind New York,” said Williams.  “It was time to start our Secret Plan.”

The “Secret Plan” centered around star donor Larry A. Clayton, a 95-year-old security guard in the Houston office.

“Larry usually takes a nap around 4pm”, said Williams.  “When he dozed off we went in and hooked him up.”

Employees gathered about cheering. “GO! GO!” as the last drops from Clayton’s arm filled the bags needed to victory.  Just before the clock went off he was able to give the 6 pints needed to beat the New York office.

“Well played Houston,” said Angelica Pinto a designer in the New York office.  “They had a plan and we didn’t, wait until next year.”

When Clayton woke up and was told of his role in the victory he was very humble and had little to say.

“Where am I?” Clayton joked as his fellow employees cheered.

For his heroic efforts the long time employee received a tee-shirt that says, “I Gave”, and a bottle of scotch.

Unfortunately he used the bottle of scotch to rehydrate and will be out for a few days.

“Brave man”, said Charles Hastings the first paramedic to arrive on the scene.

Employees are already planning next years competition.

MTV, producer’s of the popular reality show Jersey Shore, has tapped Houston Tv Production Company, TVMan, Inc. for help in marketing its number one show.

The show moves its production from Seaside Beach, New Jersey to Miami, Florida next season.  The move is the least of producers’ worries.

“Why do we need help?,” said MTV business development executive Antoniett Udinese , “have you seen this show? Sure its a money maker for us but these kids could self destruct at any minute.  We need to soak every penny from them while we have time. That’s why we hired TVMan, Inc.”

“We’ve come up with a plan for MTV that will bring in millions very quickly”, said TVman, Inc. marketing director Renato Sicciliano.  ”We want MTV to adopt a NASCAR strategy with these kids,” said Sicciliano.

The plan calls for selling the kids’ nicknames to major sponsors.  For example, show favorite Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, will now be known strictly as “The Home Depot”.

“Each time he lifts his shirt viewers will not only see his sculpted abs,” said  Ilaria Pugliesi an account rep at TVMan, inc, “but you’ll also see a tool belt you can purchase at The Home Depot.  Its pure genius.”

TVMan, Inc. has locked in deals with almost all the cast including Jenni “J-WOWW” Farley.

“Jenni will now be known as Jenni ‘Walmart’ Farley,”, said Margherita Sabbatini, a creative director for TVMan, Inc who has also designed  sponsor tattoos for the kids.  ”We’ll have these kids looking like cars at Daytona,” chuckled Sabbatini.

The only Jersey Shore kid to not have a sponsorship locked down is Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi.

“She’s been the toughest sell,” said  Anna Napolitano,TVMan Director of Research and Planning.  ”Some sponsors find her behavior a risk to their product’s image,” said Napolitano.

So far the only company that has shown the slightest interest in sponsoring “Snooki’ has been Novartis, makers of the laxative  Ex Lax.

“This is the best deal we could negotiate for her,” said Eric Feerrari, business attorney for TVMan, Inc.

However Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has refused the offer.

“I’ve been Snooki all my life,” yelled Polizzi. “Now they want me to change my name to “Smooth Move”, no ‘freakin way, they can wipe my a@#.”

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TVMan, Inc. is a full service Houston TV Commercial production company

Houston TV Production Company, TVMan, Inc. was forced to call in National Geographic’s  Dog Whisperer to help management deal with the erratic behavior of an employee.

The troubled employee, Kyle Weaver, has only been with TVMan, Inc, a short time, but has never quite fit in.

“Some of the girls from accounting found him on a lunch break and pleaded with us to let them keep him,” said Doris Jansesn, from TVMan, Inc.’s personnel department.  ”Of course they promised to take care of him but that didn’t last long, so we found him a position in the mail room.”

Since then Weaver has been growling at fellow employees and even bit one of the cleaning people who bumped into him while his was eating.

“We tried all the traditional methods like scaring him with a rolled up newspaper and shaking a bottle filled with coins,” said Kathrine Holbrook, TVMan acting HR supervisor,”but nothing worked, so we asked Ceasar Milan to help.”

Milan, the star of National Georgraphic’s Dog Whisperer, was only to eager to help.

“Many new employees exhibit this type of behavior when their environments are changed or they feel their pack leader is weak,” Milan said while staring at Weaver’s cowering shift supervisor Brian Carney.

Milan said that Carney must establish himself as Weaver’s pack leader and that will cure him of his anxiety, fears. phobias and even biting.

“It wouldn’t hurt if someone walked him for an hour a day either,” said Milan.

Milan also warned that employees who take Weaver on sales calls shouldn’t leave him locked in the car even with a window cracked open.

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TVMan, Inc. is a full service Houston TV Commercial production company

Houston TV Commercial Production Company TVMan, Inc. found out the hard way that President Obama’s “Beer Diplomacy” isn’t a good idea in the workplace.

“We followed the story very carefully,” said TVMan, Inc. Human Resource VP Laurie Burcham.  ”It seemed to work on TV.”

Last Friday TVMan, Inc. production  designer, Chester Spitzer had a disagreement with fellow designer Buddy Knox .  Knox borrowed a pencil from Spitzer then chewed  the eraser off and left teeth marks on the pencil itself.

“The two were about to come to blows,” said Burcham.  ”So I invited them into my office like the President did and offered to settle this over a beer.”

The meeting seemed to cool things off for a while until Spitzer picked another fight with a different employee a half hour later.

“So I invited him and they other guy back in for another beer to settle things,” said Burcham.

By days end Spitzer had picked fights 6 more coworkers and was barely able to walk out of the TVMan, Inc. HR offices after the last meeting.

Since then Spitzer has started what he calls his “Happy Hour” argument with other employees around 4pm.

“I’m not sure how we are going to handle this,” said Burcham.  ”He’s starting to drop off chips and dip at the HR Office at the beginning of the day.”

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TVMan, Inc. is a full service Houston TV Commercial production company

Hundreds of  TVMan, Inc Employees with children received shocking news at the Monday morning  status meeting today.

“Because of continued abuse of our ‘Selling Stuff for Your Kids at Work’ policy,” read the memo from TVMan, Inc. corporate offices in New York, “we are forbidding  employees from using guilt trips to sell stuff for their children’s school fundraisers to other employees.  That is all.  Now get back to work.”

The policy made it clear that no longer can chocolate bars, raffle tickets, Girl Scout cookies, tins of popcorn, wrapping paper, or cookie dough be sold for employees kids at work.

“It’s all that new girl Kate’s fault,” said Gina Feltman from TVMan, Inc. corporate sales in Houston.

The “New Girl” Feltman refers to is former reality star Kate Gosselin. Gosselin was recently hired as assistant receptionist at TVMan, Inc. after the cancelation of her show “Jon & Kate Plus 8” and her pending divorce.

“Things were just fine around here,” said Rene Landman, who works in the mailroom.  ”Then Kate shows up and starts selling crap for all of her eight kids.  Four of them are in Brownies, three of them in band and another wants to be a cheerleader.  I’m a diabetic, I can’t eat all this stuff all day.”

Gosselin wouldn’t comment but did show us some nice candles her kids were selling for their church.

“If Kate’s kids were selling something good like Single Malt Scotch and Cuban Cigars I wouldn’t have had to issue this order,” commented TVMan, Inc. Assistant CEO Rodney Clayborn.

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TVMan, Inc. is a full service Houston TV Commercial production company

TVMan, Inc. overnight security guard, Pomeroy Goulet, was fired last night for incompetence.

“Whoever the idot was that hired a Mime as a security guard better watch out, ” said Patrick Herrmann, chief of security at TVMan, Inc.’s Houston studio.

“We hired him from a security contractor called ‘Partners in Crime’,” explained Benita Vanegas, who hired Goulet.

“The problem was that there was a misspelling on their website and company is actually named ‘Partners in Mime’,” said Vanegas.

Goulet worked part time as a security guard and on weekends performed at birthday parties and corporate events.

The problem came to light after a break in at the TVMan, Inc. studio last week.

“I looked at the security tapes to see what happened,” said Herrmann.  ”Apparently two masked men entered the studio and Goulet pretended he was trapped inside a box and did nothing. Then when he called 9-1-1 he tried to mime to police what happened so they never showed.”

Goulet is currently suing TVMan, Inc. for wrongful termination.

“He doesn’t stand a chance,” said TVMan, Inc attorney Aaron R. Norrick, “His deposition was hilarious. We kept asking the stenographer to read back Mr. Goulet’s comments and she just shrugged her shoulders.”

Goulet was reached to comment on this story but had nothing to say.

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TVMan, inc. is a full service Houston TV Commercial production company

Employee reactions were mixed at Houston TV Commercial Production Company, TVMan, Inc., after management hired that “Creepy Six Flags Guy” to lead the staff’s annual CPR training class.

“It was just down right weird,” said Danielle Perkins, who works in the cafeteria at TVMan, Inc.

“All the loud music and dancing made it difficult to learn anything,” said Perkins.

“I was a bit annoyed that he didn’t bring one of those dummy’s to practice on like you had in health class,” said HR Secretary Loretta Stukel.  ”To get certified we had to give him mouth-to-mouth.”

Ever since Six Flags Theme Parks announced it was filing for Chapter 11 last month the “Creepy Six Flags Guy” has had to look for other work.

“I saw him on CSPAN answering questions about the economy,” said Greg  Wiggins, a clerk in the TVMan,Inc. mailroom. “He didn’t make a lot of sense but it was entertaining.”

Management at TVMan, Inc. has taken CPR training seriously since the death of employee Paul Goldsmith  at a company Christmas Party.

“We were in the middle playing charades when Paul gripped his chest and fell to the floor”, said TVMan, Inc. company nurse Betty Carillo.

“His partner  yelled out ‘Heart Attack’ and we looked at the card in his hand and sure enough she was right.  We got frustrated when Paul wouldn’t get up so we all left,” said Carillo.

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TVMan, inc. is a full service TV Commercial production company

The annual TVMan, Inc. family picnic is usually the highlight of the summer season for staff, but the 2009 event will be remembered more for massive abdominal cramps, diarrhea, upset stomachs, dizziness and feverish sweating.

“Because of some economic cutbacks we decided not to use our regular caterer,” said Evelyn Katzaman the assistant receptionist who coordinated this year’s event.  ”We decided a potluck where everyone would bring something from their ancestors native country would be cost effective and fun.  I guess I was wrong.”

Seventy-five employees and family members were treated for food poisoning.

“We wanted to get an early start on the event,” said Katzaman. “So Vickie and I (Vickie Harvel a summer intern) put the food out at 10am”.

By the time employees were ready to eat at 1:00pm the Houston temperatures had skyrocketed to 102 degrees.

“It seems everyone was hit at the same time,” said Jacob  Vaughan and overnight colorists at TVMan, Inc. “There were about ten of us involved in the three-legged race and then ‘bam’ it started coming.  My partner was that big lady who works in receivables which made getting to the bathroom pretty tough.”

“I heard over at the sack race things were a mess too,” said Vaughan.

Harris County health officials investigating the food poisoning outbreak aren’t sure if it was the curried raw clam strips that Anupam Smith made from her Indian grandmother’s recipe, or the Raw Oysters Casino that  TVMan, Inc.  graphic artist Neil Fernandez brought from a recipe he saw Bobby Flay do on the Food Network.

Or it could have been something else.

“I know exactly what it was,” said TVMan, Inc. Head of Sales , Lloyd Grumbling, “It was that pork and chicken Tartare that the French girl in the mail room brought.”

Grumbling was referring to the uncooked meat delicacy that recently fired Nouel Carrière brought to the picnic.

“Next year we’ll change the policy about fired- disgruntled employees still being allowed to attend the picnic,” said Evan Owens head of HR for TVMan, Inc.

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TVMan, Inc. released the results of its annual “Best of  Houston” contest today with Fox TV’s consumer reporter Emily Akin taking the lead as favorite TV News personality.

“She’s been a favorite around here for years,” said Darlene Clark, a corporate attorney for TVMan, Inc.  ”Ever since she helped settle an issue where a local power company was dumping spent nuclear waste in our dumpsters in the middle of the night we’ve loved her,” said Clark.

The race was a bit tighter this year with Akin edging out Marvin Zindler who still manages to get votes.

“Emily is a real sweetheart. My wife and I have known her for almost 27 years,” said TVMan, Inc. President Donald P. Sattler.

“She was even at our wedding, and we trust her so much that if anything happened to me she’d take care of my children,” said Sattler.

Other “Best Of” category winners will be announced later next week.

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A mocking bird who only whistles the theme song from “The Andy Griffith Show” has been playing havoc with the creativity of the TVMan, Inc. Staff.

“I can’t get that stupid theme song out of my head,” said Suzuka Ogino an animator at TVMan, Inc.  ”I wake up at night and its running through my head.  Da Da Da- Da-Da Da Da Da-Da Da Da Da Da Da-Da Da.  That bird is driving me insane, I can’t get any work done.”

The bird arrived last week and at the time the TVMan, Inc. staff thought it was cute.

“In my home country birds are a very important part of our culture, ” said Hua Peng, an intern in the TVMan, Inc. business office.  ”But this constant Da Da-Da DaDa Da Da- Da-Da Da Da Da-Da Da Da Da  all day long is making everyone very angry at each other.”

Maintenance workers at the 20,000 square foot Houston branch of TVMan, Inc. are stymied on how to get rid of the bird.

“We tried everything,” said Archie Thompson, who supervises the maintenance team, “I even dressed like an owl and ran around the tree and it wouldn’t leave.  I finally decided we’d cut the tree down, but then some folks from PETA, Greenpeace and The Autobahn Society tied themselves to it.  I’ll just give them a few days and the constant Da Da Da- Da-Da Da Da Da-Da Da Da Da Da Da-Da Da will drive them away.

The bird’s constant song comes at a bad time for Stéphane Coudert, a composer and sound designer at TVMan, Inc.

“I’m in the middle of scoring an important scene for a documentary we’re doing on drought in Africa,” explained Coudert.  ”We’re working on a scene where a boy and his father walk down to a dry riverbed and all I could come up with is Da Da Da- Da-Da Da Da Da-Da Da Da Da.

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