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Season’s Greetings TVMan Employees!

Its been another wonderful year hasn’t it!

I can’t believe all the accomplishments we’ve made over the past 12 months.

First off I’m happy to report that by fixing that sticky cable in the elevator we’ve managed to cut on the job injuries by 85%.  Our goal next year is get it down to zero by fixing the safety guard on the paper cutter.

A big hats off to the gals in the cafeteria for finding out what was causing the excessive gas and painful bloating experienced by those who were eating the three-bean salad off the salad bar on Tuesdays.  Nice work.

I hope by now you have all received your gift bags from corporate.  I know you all got Crocs last year, but this year by getting the left one you should all have a nice comfy pair.  Wear them with pride on your day off.  Or at the beach this summer during furlough.  Just kidding.

I encourage all of you to send Helen at corporate an email telling them how grateful you all are for the gifts and for having your jobs.

As some of you have already noticed there was no end of the year bonus this time around.  I’ll address that when I get back from my Mediterranean cruise in March.

Sincerely,

August Buskens
Chairmen and CEO
TVMan, Inc.

Russian business magazine, Упорно трудитесь, Умрите Бедные (Work Hard, Die Poor), has named TVMan, Inc. mail room clerk, Ruben J. Martin one of the most interesting people of the decade.

Martin (pictured left) has worked for TVMan, Inc. since 1978.  He started in the mail room, transferred to the loading dock but then returned to the mail room after a piano fell out of a box and crushed his left foot.

“He’s been a great mentor,” said Ronald Jackson, a mail room clerk at the West Nile Mosquito Research Center.  ”He taught me everything when I was a mail room intern at TVMan, Inc.”

“Comrade Martin is one of the most interesting people we have come across,” said Beriszl Salay , entertainment editor for Упорно трудитесь, Умрите Бедные. “We can’t believe your Barbara Walters left him off her list.  She’s a fox you know,” said Salay.

Martin’s outlook for the next decade maybe even more interesting.

“Mr. Martin took a three month sabbatical  last year to get his GED,” said Gloria Needham, a TVMan, Inc. spokesperson from New York.  ”While he was away we converted the mail room to a paperless administration system.  Unless he learns C++ or some other programming language over the weekend we’ll have to let him go.”

Learn more about TVMan, Inc at:  http://www.tvmanonline.com/

TVMan, Inc. is a full service Houston TV Commercial production company

Houston TV Production Company, TVMan, Inc. was forced to call in National Geographic’s  Dog Whisperer to help management deal with the erratic behavior of an employee.

The troubled employee, Kyle Weaver, has only been with TVMan, Inc, a short time, but has never quite fit in.

“Some of the girls from accounting found him on a lunch break and pleaded with us to let them keep him,” said Doris Jansesn, from TVMan, Inc.’s personnel department.  ”Of course they promised to take care of him but that didn’t last long, so we found him a position in the mail room.”

Since then Weaver has been growling at fellow employees and even bit one of the cleaning people who bumped into him while his was eating.

“We tried all the traditional methods like scaring him with a rolled up newspaper and shaking a bottle filled with coins,” said Kathrine Holbrook, TVMan acting HR supervisor,”but nothing worked, so we asked Ceasar Milan to help.”

Milan, the star of National Georgraphic’s Dog Whisperer, was only to eager to help.

“Many new employees exhibit this type of behavior when their environments are changed or they feel their pack leader is weak,” Milan said while staring at Weaver’s cowering shift supervisor Brian Carney.

Milan said that Carney must establish himself as Weaver’s pack leader and that will cure him of his anxiety, fears. phobias and even biting.

“It wouldn’t hurt if someone walked him for an hour a day either,” said Milan.

Milan also warned that employees who take Weaver on sales calls shouldn’t leave him locked in the car even with a window cracked open.

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TVMan, Inc. is a full service Houston TV Commercial production company

Hundreds of  TVMan, Inc Employees with children received shocking news at the Monday morning  status meeting today.

“Because of continued abuse of our ‘Selling Stuff for Your Kids at Work’ policy,” read the memo from TVMan, Inc. corporate offices in New York, “we are forbidding  employees from using guilt trips to sell stuff for their children’s school fundraisers to other employees.  That is all.  Now get back to work.”

The policy made it clear that no longer can chocolate bars, raffle tickets, Girl Scout cookies, tins of popcorn, wrapping paper, or cookie dough be sold for employees kids at work.

“It’s all that new girl Kate’s fault,” said Gina Feltman from TVMan, Inc. corporate sales in Houston.

The “New Girl” Feltman refers to is former reality star Kate Gosselin. Gosselin was recently hired as assistant receptionist at TVMan, Inc. after the cancelation of her show “Jon & Kate Plus 8” and her pending divorce.

“Things were just fine around here,” said Rene Landman, who works in the mailroom.  ”Then Kate shows up and starts selling crap for all of her eight kids.  Four of them are in Brownies, three of them in band and another wants to be a cheerleader.  I’m a diabetic, I can’t eat all this stuff all day.”

Gosselin wouldn’t comment but did show us some nice candles her kids were selling for their church.

“If Kate’s kids were selling something good like Single Malt Scotch and Cuban Cigars I wouldn’t have had to issue this order,” commented TVMan, Inc. Assistant CEO Rodney Clayborn.

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TVMan, Inc. is a full service Houston TV Commercial production company

TVMan, Inc. overnight security guard, Pomeroy Goulet, was fired last night for incompetence.

“Whoever the idot was that hired a Mime as a security guard better watch out, ” said Patrick Herrmann, chief of security at TVMan, Inc.’s Houston studio.

“We hired him from a security contractor called ‘Partners in Crime’,” explained Benita Vanegas, who hired Goulet.

“The problem was that there was a misspelling on their website and company is actually named ‘Partners in Mime’,” said Vanegas.

Goulet worked part time as a security guard and on weekends performed at birthday parties and corporate events.

The problem came to light after a break in at the TVMan, Inc. studio last week.

“I looked at the security tapes to see what happened,” said Herrmann.  ”Apparently two masked men entered the studio and Goulet pretended he was trapped inside a box and did nothing. Then when he called 9-1-1 he tried to mime to police what happened so they never showed.”

Goulet is currently suing TVMan, Inc. for wrongful termination.

“He doesn’t stand a chance,” said TVMan, Inc attorney Aaron R. Norrick, “His deposition was hilarious. We kept asking the stenographer to read back Mr. Goulet’s comments and she just shrugged her shoulders.”

Goulet was reached to comment on this story but had nothing to say.

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TVMan, inc. is a full service Houston TV Commercial production company

A mocking bird who only whistles the theme song from “The Andy Griffith Show” has been playing havoc with the creativity of the TVMan, Inc. Staff.

“I can’t get that stupid theme song out of my head,” said Suzuka Ogino an animator at TVMan, Inc.  ”I wake up at night and its running through my head.  Da Da Da- Da-Da Da Da Da-Da Da Da Da Da Da-Da Da.  That bird is driving me insane, I can’t get any work done.”

The bird arrived last week and at the time the TVMan, Inc. staff thought it was cute.

“In my home country birds are a very important part of our culture, ” said Hua Peng, an intern in the TVMan, Inc. business office.  ”But this constant Da Da-Da DaDa Da Da- Da-Da Da Da Da-Da Da Da Da  all day long is making everyone very angry at each other.”

Maintenance workers at the 20,000 square foot Houston branch of TVMan, Inc. are stymied on how to get rid of the bird.

“We tried everything,” said Archie Thompson, who supervises the maintenance team, “I even dressed like an owl and ran around the tree and it wouldn’t leave.  I finally decided we’d cut the tree down, but then some folks from PETA, Greenpeace and The Autobahn Society tied themselves to it.  I’ll just give them a few days and the constant Da Da Da- Da-Da Da Da Da-Da Da Da Da Da Da-Da Da will drive them away.

The bird’s constant song comes at a bad time for Stéphane Coudert, a composer and sound designer at TVMan, Inc.

“I’m in the middle of scoring an important scene for a documentary we’re doing on drought in Africa,” explained Coudert.  ”We’re working on a scene where a boy and his father walk down to a dry riverbed and all I could come up with is Da Da Da- Da-Da Da Da Da-Da Da Da Da.

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Things were a little quite around the Houston office of TVMan, Inc. this morning after management announced the road trip to Los Angeles to attend the funeral of Michael Jackson had been canceled.

“This stinks,” said Madison Sattler who works in the boiler room at TVMan, Inc.  ”I’ve been a big fan of Mike’s for a long time.  I spent all weekend packing.”

Top brass from TVMan, Inc.’s corporate offices issued the statement and it was read during the Monday morning meeting.  ”Although we here at TVMan, Inc. take the needs of our employees seriously, our policy has always been that paid leave for bereavement is only for use when a family member passes.  That is all now get back to work.”

“My heart is broken”, said Sakarias Henriksson, a graphic design intern from Ecole des Hautes Etudes Commerciales in Switzerland.  ”In my country we’d get six months off for this kind of thing.”

All of us here at TVMan have been big Michael Jackson fans since the beginning.  He was no Karl Malden, but he was a great entertainer just the same.

We also love and adore his three children, but our favorite is “Blanket Jackson“.  That’s why we’re concerned about what will happen to “Blanket” without the loving guidance of his father.

“Blanket” will soon have to live in a world outside the confines of Neverland Ranch.  He’ll have to go to public schools in Los Angeles,  join the Boy Scouts, play Little League and finally get a job since most of his Dad’s money will still be tied up in court battles.

What we at TVMan are asking the world to do is show your support for “Blanket” as he grows up. You know kids can be cruel to each other, and with a name like “Blanket” it won’t be easy.

How can you help?  Should you see a young man working at an LA Burger King or McDonald’s one day with a name tag that says, “Blanket”,  give him a smile and tell him “Way to go Blanket.”

Let us know what you plan to do to help.